wanna go halves on a baby?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
