i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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