how can u be prego again
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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