so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
