R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
