So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
