I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
