I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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