You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
