I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just forgot I was standing up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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