If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
