the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
