hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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