Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
