there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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