just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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