Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
