She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I won the penis lottery.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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