You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize