I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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