i would punch a child for taco bell
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
