I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
