I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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