We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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