yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
