Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
