he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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