An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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