I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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