i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize