Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
