got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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