I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
