How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
