some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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