Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
