I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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