You were right. It hurts to walk today.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
