i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
