I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
