i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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