I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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