Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
