Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
