Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
