I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
