Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
