I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
