I'm passing your future prison.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
