Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
