i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
