i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
