What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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