omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
