It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
