you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
