New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
