Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
