you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize