It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
