Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
