I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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