Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize