how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
