Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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