There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
