pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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