I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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