Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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