It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
