gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
