glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
